The challenge of walking with the God who knows me  

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Names changed throughout except in some cases where the person involved has been or is in ministry.

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Copyright © 2012 by Derek Leaf . Not to be copied for commercial purposes.  Permission is granted to copy the unaltered, attributed page for non commercial purposes. beingrecreated

If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. 2 Cor 5:17

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1 John 5:13 (NIV)

 “I write this to you who believe in the Son of God that you may know that you have eternal life.”


I had come to meet Jesus for the first time by myself through a booklet.  I was in fact so withdrawn from people that it would have been difficult to come to him any other way.  There was however a weakness that resulted, I was not sure that I had really come to faith.  I would hear others talk of their encounter with Jesus and they would use terms that I was unfamiliar with.  I was constantly questioning whether I had jumped through the right hoops.  Later on there were still more difficulties as I realised that I had not understood much of what was right doctrine when I had prayed.  Could then my prayer have been effective.  The problem with these doubts was that I could not grow.  Any steps forward that I took were very soon met with a question of did I have a foundation to go forwards with.  I was building on quicksand and it was both futile and desperately disturbing.


Jesus had foreseen this problem and had arranged a solution.  The day after I prayed a Christian music group was to play at the school.  I could have talked to them, and they would have been delighted to help me, but I did not have the courage to tell them what had happened.  So, I despised the solution Jesus had arranged.


My mother seeing my isolation was a bit desperate do get me involved in anything that would involve other people.  When she noticed that I started going to church she found a Church Youth Fellowship and arranged for me to be involved, with a lift and all.  Quite amazing when, she had no real spiritual interest at that point!  That was really helpful and I began to break out a bit and make friends.  Once I talked with the curate.  He, suspected how wobbly I was, shared the gospel with me and I prayed again.  That helped my uncertainties and for a while I had some peace of mind, but after a while all of the doubts came back.  Now it was not a question of whether I had jumped through the right hoops but more a matter of was I up to it and was God up to saving me.


When I went to University in Edinburgh I quickly got involved with some Christians whom I met there.  I went to some of the Christian activities put on for the ‘fresher's. There, I met Jonathan.  We talked a little and he invited me back to his room in the halls of residence.  We talked in sufficient detail for him to work out that I was a bit uncertain of where I stood.  He invited his friend Jeremy to come and meet me. Jeremy shared the bridge illustration and asked me where on the diagram I thought I was.  I put myself in the gap between Man and God.  He suggested that I pray again, primarily to put a stake in the ground and say from this point on there are no more doubts.  So, I prayed.  Then he shared a couple of verses that really helped me.  In the first Jesus says “I stand at the door and knock, if anyone opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with me.”  (Revelation 3:20 NIV) Jesus had made a promise, all that was needed of me was to open the door and he promised he would come in.  This he coupled with a second verse “God is not a man that he should lie.” (Numbers 23:19 NIV) Here was something I could hold on to.  There was a promise and a certainty that the promise would be fulfilled.  This brought to an end my doubts, I could go forwards in faith.

ASSURANCE